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Today, Ellen is married with two children and lives in New York, and Sherrie is married with a teenage daughter and lives in New Jersey.

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You need to force yourself to refrain from saying anything too intense or negative that could scare a man away.

Unfortunately, no matter what your heart says, you must hold back a bit for your own good.

Here are Rules to help you be light and breezy in your e-mails: It all sounds good on paper, but you cannot write “soul mate” and think you will get one that way.

We are wives, mothers, co-authors, dating coaches, and have been best friends for the last 30 years.

We came up with the idea for a self-help dating book called The Rules after many, many dinners with single girlfriends at the now-defunct Sung Chu Mein, a Chinese restaurant on the Upper East Side in New York City—it was sort of like Sex and the City, but before Sex and the City!

Like most women our age, we were career-minded with our own apartments, but we also wanted to get married.So over fried tofu and mixed vegetables, we each brought our dating problems to the table.We began to notice that the women who played hard to get, either deliberately or by accident, were the ones who got the guys, while the women who asked guys out or were too available were the ones who got dumped.We put two and two together, and wrote and wrote, and that’s how The Rules were born!We had no idea The Rules would become a bestseller…we just wanted to help women stop making mistakes and get the men of their dreams—and that’s what we still do now, 20 years later!